STEP 1: PLAN

Decide on a date and time when your partner and you have one hour of private, uninterrupted, focused time.

You can think of it as a date night or even a date morning.

You can schedule it as a meeting with your partner or consider it like a weekly relationship workshop.

Make sure you both put it on your calendars, and honor it as a commitment to one another and your relationship.

Then take care of any babysitting or other responsibilities that might get in the way of the two of you enjoying this time together.

Turn off your phone, and make sure your pets are happy and occupied.

STEP 2: PREPARE

Leading up to your Sex Practice, prepare yourselves emotionally by offering your partner love in their primary Love Language and requesting love in your primary Love Language.

This can support you both to feel resourced and grounded in loving and being loved when you arrive to your Sex Practice.

Next, prepare yourselves erotically by considering what invites your partner and you into pleasure around your primary Erotic Blueprints.

Think about what you each might want to bring into the space to accelerate desire and arousal.

For example, considering the five senses may be important if your partner or you has a sensual Erotic Blueprint.

Blindfolds, feathers, textured items, or other creative objects might be great to have easily accessible if your partner or you have a kinky Erotic Blueprint.

I recommend having a body-friendly oil like coconut, almond, or sesame oil and a handtowel or two nearby.

It may be important, too, to make sure you have clean hands and short nails.

Prepare your mind and body for the conscious and committed opportunity to connect with your partner and engage your relationship.

STEP 3: SETUP

Once you've planned when your Sex Practice is happening (it can change week-to-week) and you've prepared yourself and the space, step into your Sex Practice to set yourselves up.

Transition from whatever you were doing before your Sex Practice started, and consciously set down anything you might have to do afterward.

Invite intimate, sexual, lover pieces of you to come forward and be present.

Set down parent, worker, provider, domestic parts of you energetically outside of the space or outside the door of the room.

Get comfortable.

Get more comfortable.

Gently invite a connection to yourself so you might authentically connect with your partner and show up to your relationship.

STEP 4: EXPLORE

After the two of you have transitioned into your Sex Practice, and as partners and lovers are ready to engage one another and your relationship, begin by remembering what you most need and want from your romantic relationship.

Maybe you need love.

Perhaps you want safety.

Maybe you need connection.

Perhaps you want respect.

Maybe you need excitement.

Perhaps you want freedom.

Then you might notice which of these are the best use of your time together today:

• Clarifying
  

• Connecting
  

• Communicating
  

• Healing
  

• Co-Creating Sexual intimacy

Consider what you may need to address to feel loved, to feel safe, and to feel accepted by your partner.

This supports you to be open and ready to move toward sexual intimacy with an Enthusiastic YES!

Then decide what you can do together concurrently or whose needs and wants you'll address first.

The two of you might talk about something specific.

Perhaps you need to take some time to breathe and be together.

Maybe you cuddle.

Consider moving toward intimate touching and exploring.

Set a timer on your phone (which otherwise can be silenced) for half of the time remaining minus ten minutes for the last step of your Sex Practice.

Finally, keep in mind that the path toward sex and intimacy can look like crying, screaming, kicking, shutting down, numbing out, or moving through resistance.

It’s all okay.

Your Sex Practice is for consciously acknowledging and allowing whatever you're feeling and experiencing that is in the way of your partner and you connecting sexually.

STEP 5: SWITCH

After the timer goes off, thank each other.

If you are taking turns, switch to addressing the second partner's needs and wants toward sexual intimacy.

Reciprocity and balancing is very important in a relationship.

Again, set a timer on your phone for the remaining time minus ten minutes for the last step.

STEP 6: RECAP TOGETHER

With around ten minutes left of your Sex Practice, take a few moments for each of you to share what you experienced along with moments that were insightful, moments you were grateful for, or favorite moments.