Hey, person in a committed partnership.
I see your partner and you and hold what's possible for you both.
I see the excitement and exhilaration of honeymoon, springtime-like love and sex,
especially in the shift to autumn.
The aliveness, the presence, the embodiment, the entanglement of connection,
with the inhale of the new season.
Even amongst the trauma and shame of a puritan culture,
and the extraction and numbing of a capitalist world,
I know we're here for pleasure and joy.
We can reconnect to that which has gotten lost within.
We can reignite the fire, the creativity, the spontaneity, the adventure.
Here are three simple steps you can take to reignite love in your relationship:
STEP 1: Remember
Remember what it was like to fall in love with your partner.
Write down or retell to one another the story of how you met and fell in love.
John Gottman, a relationship researcher and clinical psychologist, can predict with a 94% accuracy the future of a relationship based on how a couple shares this part of their life.
How do you tell it?
STEP 2: Witness
Watch your partner from afar with new eyes.
Maybe you look at them from down the aisle while grocery shopping.
Perhaps you stop to watch them dress or undress.
Possibly you take them in while they do or talk about something they love.
See them not as a static imprint, but as an ever-changing, beautiful being.
STEP 3: Acknowledge and Appreciate
Write or tell your partner five things you love about them.
After a year or two together (the average is 18 months), our brain begins to experience our partner as consistently showing up and to save mental and energetic resources, we begin to automate our responses around them.
Be conscious and intentional to acknowledge and appreciate your partner by connecting with how you feel about them, how they make you feel, and/or how you feel around them.
When couples come to me wanting to experience all of the sex and love from the beginning of their relationship, I'm honest with them.
You can't go back to those days.
And what's available to you now is a richer, more sacred sex, love, and intimacy you can rekindle and deepen.
This is my hope for you.
Offering so much love,
Daniela