Lean in.
I’m about to remind you of something.
When your partner and you were dating, you cleared out time to see one another, to do things, to have sex.
Sometimes you gave up sleep or money or a lunch hour or seeing friends to laugh and smile and experience one another.
After a year and a half or so when the chemistry of newness regulates and/or when we move in together and we think sharing space is the same as spending time together, we forget to clear time to see each other, be together, and have sex.
We stop seeing our partner.
We stop being together.
We stop having sex.
And then we look across the couch and wonder why there’s so much distance and why we feel so disconnected from one another.
Your relationship is not a rotisserie chicken; you don’t set it and forget it. #ronco
If you want deep connection, if you want delicious sex, if you want functioning communication, you have to clear time.
Here are 4 steps for clearing time to experience deep connection:
STEP 1: Determine Your Desires
What do you want to be feeling or experiencing right now?
Support? Care? Love? Connection? Pleasure?
Maybe you want to experience warmth or electricity or solidness.
Thinking in terms of Love Languages and Erotic Blueprints helps you get closer to the specific wants and needs you may be disconnected from; pick up these and three other foundational tools for deeper sex and intimacy here.
STEP 2: Remember Your Worthiness
Connect with a piece of you that knows you're worthy and deserve what it is you most need and want right now.
We've all been born into a capitalist system that teaches us we aren't worthy and deserving so we must hustle, extract, deplete, and burn out.
Deep within a part of you knows that's bullshit; ask it to step forward now to be brave.
STEP 3: Ask For What You Want
Whether asking yourself for a long shower to self-pleasure or inviting your partner on a walk near sunset, be brave and vulnerable and ask for what you want.
The sitcom speak of passive aggressively putting on our shoes in front of our partner or saying it's a nice evening to go for a walk isn't going to communicate directly what you want, why you want it, and who you want it with.
You can ask for privacy to self-pleasure. You can ask for connection. You're worth it. Be direct.
STEP 4: Clear Time and Receive
Avoid self-sabotaging out or undermining your wants and desires after you've determined what they are and asked for them.
State you want thirty minutes of time alone in the bathroom. Tell them you want to leave between 7 and 7:30 pm for the walk.
Get out your shoes after they've said yes. Lock the door as you turn on the shower.
Receive what it is you want and need for yourself or with your partner.
When we get into a stage of building a life with our partner, we forget to clear time to spend with the person we decided to do all that with.
We're so focused on keeping it all together, we don't take time to rest, relax, connect and enjoy it.
Slow down. Remember. And connect. :)
Offering you both so much love,
Daniela