Back when I was training as an Integrated Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, I remember having conversations with my colleagues about what to look for in a partner.
What makes having the sex you want and the intimacy you desire possible in a relationship...for both of you?
The answer I came up with?
The willingness to grow together…instead of apart.
When I think of growth, I think of a seed containing primordial life force energy—everything it needs to explode into the next phase of life—planted deep in rich, nourishing soil.
Fed by the rain.
Warmed by the heat of an unseen sun.
Trusting light will come.
Until recently I didn’t think about how the mycelium networks spread throughout the soil—the elders, the ancestors, the community—also feed and nourish and coax a seedling toward growth.
Growth is about being strong, about being vulnerable, about being resourced, about trusting.
And it's also about being interconnected and embracing interdependence.
(Some of what I'm talking about David Robson shares here with research around how mindfulness can make you selfish.)
Photo by Wesley Balten
So here are three questions you can ask yourself around your willingness to grow with your partner:
Are you willing to grow? To be uncomfortable, awkward, brave, vulnerable? To more than survive in safety and protection...to thrive?
Are you willing to grow toward your partner? With your partner? Relationships naturally flow between merging and individuating, and when there's distance, can you look toward your partner and move in their direction?
Is your growth supported by the teachers, mentors, and guides around you? By wisdom texts, your ancestors, the communities you're a part of, by nature, in silence, and by the energy and power you contain within? (Click here to learn more about Lama Rod Owen's Seven Homecomings.)
There's no direct path or one-size-fits-all formula to experiencing a deeper connection within and in love with your partner.
And willingness toward growth together is one trait you need as a compass to guide you there.
Offering you so much love,
Daniela
P.S. If you think a coach along with a compass-guide would support you, I'm taking new clients for couples and individual sessions.
You can schedule a free 20-minute consultation here.