couples

9 Qualities for Determining the State of Your Union

"On a scale from 1 to 10, how happy are you as a couple?"

Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a movie that's spoken to me for a long time.

It was trying to tell me something about long term committed relationships.

I sat with it for years before I figured it out.

Even though it's from a cis white heteronormative framing, it's still about two people experiencing what I call The Relationship Journey.

Are You Willing To Grow With Your Partner?

Are You Willing To Grow With Your Partner?

Back when I was training as an Integrated Sex, Love, and Relationship Coach, I remember having conversations with my colleagues about what to look for in a partner.

What makes having the sex you want and the intimacy you desire possible in a relationship...for both of you?

The answer I came up with?

7 Steps for Reclaiming Our Pleasure, Connection, and Interdependence

I need to remind us that sex is important.

Intimacy is important.

Closeness...is important.

We are created for pleasure.

We are designed for interdependence.

The Most Difficult Season of Your Relationship Might Need Support

You are not alone.

If this has been the most difficult season your relationship has faced...

If this has been the most difficult chapter of your life...

You are not alone.

Gently Support One Another's Bodies and Sexuality with Loving Touch

Sit down with me?

I'm picturing us nestled around a small, square table.

The flat wood is darker, and the texture offers my chest calm and grounding sensations with a reminder of the outdoors.

Maybe you're across from me so we can look at one another.

Are you feeling an auspicious opening toward the light today?

I've been thinking about you.

I woke up at 5:40 am this morning.

No real reason.

And when my logical, rational mind searched for reasons I might have woken up so early, I remembered it's December 21.

This Is How You Move Toward Embodied Self-Love

Something so powerful and deep happened in a coaching session a few weeks ago.

I've been thinking about it and wanting to share it, thinking it might click a few things into place for you, too.

Because most of us...we want to experience love with a partner, with our person.

The idea of self-love can feel so far-fetched and inaccessible because we first experience love in relationship and attachment to our primary caregivers.

How to Not Get Overwhelmed and Numb To It All

I'm not sure where your thoughts or emotions are at right now, friend.

And over the last few days I've been running through a spectrum of grief and hope and despair and anger marked with sparks of action and creativity.

I've also been ruminating around what feminist marketing consultant Kelly Diels (she/her) calls my spot on the wall.

This is How You Take Ownership of Your Sexuality

You may not be having sex or as much sex as you want with your partner during this pandemic.

Maybe—like me—your partner and you are sheltering-in-place in different locations.

You may be single or dating.

Side by Side, Back to Back, This is How You Two Co-Create Your Life Moving Forward

Maybe the two of you have different ideas around what to do with your time.

Maybe the stress is affecting you each differently.

Maybe what you need right now is different.

And...

This is how COVID-19 stress is affecting my relationship. How are you doing in yours?

I'm not proud of it.

In fact I have some shame....

A few days ago I unceremoniously turned my phone on airplane mode for five or so hours.

A part of me knew it would hurt my partner.

What is there really even to say to one another?

I'm feeling the urge to share so many things with you.

And...

I am concurrently holding a piece that's says, "What's the point? Where would I start?"

I'm curious if you're experiencing something similar when you turn to look at your partner at the end of the day...at the end of this unique week.

Does Your Relationship Err on the Side of Caution or Take Risks?

How are you doing?

How are you really doing?

I'm not the type to ask if I didn't really care.

So I honestly invite you to hit reply and share with me what you're really experiencing, really noticing in terms of your sensations, emotions, and thoughts.

This is Why Unspoken Conversations Linger Between You Two

I'm sorry your partner and you had that same circular argument again that led to...nothing.

I'm sorry you spiraled into that same funk you've been experiencing for years except now it feels...hollow.

It's like the sensations and emotions aren't even fresh anymore.

They're played out.

Take A Look Back at Your Weekend, Would You?

Typically I write blogs on Friday to support a deeper connection with your partner over the weekend.

Today I invite you to take a look back at your weekend.

Are things you desire to clear, release, or redo?

Maybe something you said you'd like to figure out how to say better...

This is how to acknowledge your 2019 relationship and set up for deeper connection in 2020

In that liminal space between the December holidays and the coming of the Gregorian calendar's new year,

( My family also celebrates the Ethiopian new year, which falls on September 11. )

I find myself reviewing 2019 to acknowledge and celebrate,

and also so I can heal and grow and flourish in 2020.

Have Each Other’s Backs This Holiday Season with This Exercise

I'm experiencing a great deal of instability in my life ranging from finances to health to relationships.

It's keeping me in survival mode hour-to-hour these days.

But...

When I woke up this morning to the day before a major holiday in the US, I thought of you.